照顧媽媽讓我瞭解一切困難都在自己的覺醒

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照顧老媽，最常看到朋友的訊息就是：辛苦了！而我是這樣回覆的：沒事啦！甘願做歡喜受！因為有她（老媽）的陪伴，讓我有機會經歷上帝，知道要悔改，得以重生。她的受苦成就了我的新生。感謝讚美主。我終於瞭解所有的痛苦都來自於自己的執著，放下，就海闊天空。之前換了六家機構、六個外籍幫手，現在終於上帝成全，給了最善良的一位。我在想如果不是之前的失敗，我可能還是不能體會到上帝的恩典，所有橫逆在面前的困難，都是自己心造，只有用上帝教導我們的智慧，一切問題迎刃而解。

五年前因為美國一位舊識好友到台灣探訪母親，同時介紹我參加國際性的聖經研讀團契（Bible Study Fellowship）。當時我因為知道防老很重要的一環是記憶，如果生活中沒有新的刺激長出新的神經元，而舊的神經元隨時間凋零，很可能就會有失智的風險，於是我註冊成為「英語」聖經研讀團契的一員。一開始我很訝異為何我在團契中，不論是分享或唱詩歌，我的眼淚總會不自主的流個不停。好在眼淚隨著時間，水量減少了，最終兩年前，我分享時已經止住了淚水，而今年，我要以歡愉的心情來分享這美好的訊息。

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我在2007年退休時發現自己對什麼事情都充滿著好奇，而且執著於要知道為什麼？而這不是一般正常成年人會做的事，所以我自稱為寶寶。以下是我的分享內容：

自從註冊成為聖經研讀團契的一員，並且接受基督耶穌為我的救主，謝謝上帝這些年的恩賜。特別是這兩年，我的兩位小組長每週都會打電話關心我，陪伴我度過照顧全癱老媽的憂愁和艱辛，而其間最重要的就是為我禱告。

三個月前我開始每天三餐謝飯禱告，謝謝上帝派了這樣好的幫手，使得我得以釋放掉長時間獨自照顧老媽的壓力，在禱告後，我總是會禱告上帝，希望賜給我「智慧」，讓我能讀懂上帝的話語，一條祂允諾我們得以永生的道路。

事實上，我並不瞭解我向上帝祈求的智慧，是什麼內涵？令我訝異的是，上帝在29課『基督徒應如何生活』的講義內容，顯現給我以下的內容：

「真正的智慧像什麼？真正的智慧是謙卑、溫良、多結善果、潔淨、柔順、沒有偏私、和平、滿有憐憫、沒有虛偽的。」

這讓我理解到，我向上帝要求的智慧，其實就是我自己的選擇：在全能的上帝面前，真確的懺悔，全心仰望上帝，每一天的心思意念都能符合真理的道路。

讚美上帝經由祂提現的智慧，我和外籍幫手不單單有和諧的關係，同時也有可比真正家人一樣的感情， 使得我們得以一起同心協力，讓老媽享有更有效率與愛的照顧品質。

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整篇分享這學期的學習心得，總結來說：想要過有意義的人生，就要改變自己的心念，從手指向外，指責別人自誇、結黨、苦毒、搗亂、嫉妒、邪惡，從而要求別人改變（不可能），轉而期許自己，做個謙卑、溫良、多結善果、潔淨、柔順、沒有偏私、和平、滿有憐憫、沒有虛偽的人。我想只要與善友一起，互相砥礪，最終能成為榮耀上帝的器皿。

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I am curiosity baby,  My group leader is Veronica.  I fell obligated to tell you at first, why I call myself Curiosity Baby. In 2007 I retired and found out myself was so curious at everything around me, and insisted to ask why as a baby did, which was not an ordinary adult will behave. Therefore, there is a silver hair lady, would like to be recognized as curiosity baby.  That is me.

Thank God for blessing me since I registered for BSF 6 yeas ago, and accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.  For all these years, I cherished the time within each group. Thank their patience while I submerged in myself pity and sorrow.  Especially, these recent two years, my group leaders Veronica Huang, and Lily Hsia used to call me every week to comfort my sorrow.  They shared my hardship while I took care of my 96-year-old full paralyzed mother. The most appreciated help I got from them was the warm personal touch and sincerely praying for me.

Three months ago, I learned to pray by myself before each meal.  I thank God to send me a wonderful helper so that I can release the pressure after taking care of my mom all by myself for quite a long time.  At the end of my prayer, I always ask God to give me wisdom so that I can understand God’s Words: The Way He promises to have a pressure less eternal life.

Actually, I don’t quite understand what kind of wisdom I was praying for? Amazingly, in notes of lesson 29, God revealed to me the following:

"What does true wisdom look like? True wisdom is humble, considerate, fruitful, pure, submissive, impartial, peace-loving, merciful and sincere.”  Then I realized what I asked from God are actually the choices from myself. Then I started to repent for all my worldly wisdom.  And turn me to Look upon God, live out The Way He summons in my daily life.

Thank God through His wisdom, my foreign helper, and I have not only the harmonic relationship but also we live more like genuine family members.  Together, we deliver much more effective and love care for my mother. Now, I feel like life in the Garden of Eden.

Praise the Lord!